I’m sitting in La Guardia airport about to board to return after a birthday weekend on the East Coast. Actually I came to town for a very special friends’ wedding, but the people I was with—- my “NJ NSSM fam” made my birthday Saturday a very special day.

En route from the rental car return, the young girl driver asked me what I did.  This one is always tricky— “I”m a mom.” OR “I’m a blogger” OR “I’m a talk show host.”   I said it all in one garbled sentence, assuming she wasn’t listening or caring.  Just when you figure no one listens— someone listens!

She started asking me questions and before long, I’m giving her tips on websites and saying “Email me. I’d love to help.”    She said, “Okay…. but listen… are you sure? cuz I probably will.”

My immediate response: ‘Of course. I was at a wedding yesterday with friends I met who all share/ collaborate/ find ways to connect.   They are great people.’    She sent me off in to the terminal with a big shout of “Girl power.”   I agree. Girl power and GOOD PEOPLE POWER. Indeed.

Today's celebrity Co-Host Alicia Hunter. (click photo for her website)

Listen to the Beaut Camp radio show today to hear more from people I love and who support me and I support—- Alicia Hunter, weight loss coach, author, friend, mentor, lash artist and generally fabulous NotSoSoccerMom- who co-hosts….  She lost 60 lbs a very special way— Listen for her SECRET.

Alicia is often asked to comment on stars' pictures. Hear how she decides what to say--- you might be interested to know what the magazines ask...

AND a special ‘out-takes’ segment with our station’s own Kim Pirrella, Host of The Ordinary & the Extraordinary- my co-host, friend and host for this past weekend.

Kim Pirrella and I 5/6/12 at a very special friends' wedding.

And hear all about my 31st bday (plus 10!)

Jill

Click THIS image to listen at 1pmEST to NotSoSoccerMomRadio.com

Jerry walked by me today.   As you can imagine, with  four kids, a travel day, launching 2 small businesses, a day job, Will & Grace reruns to quote, the conversation goes where it naturally does….Nutella.

“Who invented Nutella?”- Jerry to me while re-heating tortilla soup.

“I will know this in 40 seconds.”– Pointing to computer, further justifying my life on the internet.

Discloser: I’ve known about Nutella for about 6 months. Sure, I’d heard of it. But,  I thought it was like Vegimite.  A regionality that sucked but people kept eating it. Like Little Rock does to Velveeta.

I didn’t know it was made of Jesus’s tears and Willy Wonka’s jazz hands.

Plus, it’s a health food!!!!!!!

Then, I researched it.

“Manufactured by the Italian company Ferrero,  Nutella was introduced on the market in 1963. The recipe was developed from an earlier Ferrero spread released in 1944.

History

Pietro Ferrero, who owned a patisserie in Alba, in the Langhe district of Piedmont, (FANCY!!!! Like a Sarah Dunant book!)  an area known for the production of hazelnuts (Oh, dang!  Nuts= protein= protein equals I ROCK) .  This was originally a solid block, but in 1949, Pietro started to sell a creamy version in 1951 as “Supercrema” (Good Marketing Pietro!!! ) .  The first jar of Nutella left the Ferrero factory in Alba on 20 April 1964. (I’m European! I’m healthy! I’m grabbing another tablespoon).  About half of the calories in Nutella come from fat (11 g in a 37 g serving, or 99 kcal out of 200 kcal) and about 40% of the calories come from sugar (20 g, 80 kcal)….. ”

Jill

I can’t remember the metric system.  It’s still healthy, right?

Totally really….   healthy… snack…   with… a great story…  and name…

Like Pringles!!!!

You don’t know of the famed German Count Pringle?     

A) My mom will stop lecturing me about….

OH, we don’t assign resolutions to others?    We create them for OURSELVES????

(HOLD on, let me go explain this to my mom first who’s around the corner still working on her list for me.)

Ok: MINE.

10)  Write more of these whimsically delightful humor and insight-filled blogs.  (in my brain that sounded a bit more modest).  But, really, they are. You should read at least 6-8 a day. Make it a habit; like brushing your teeth or watching FoxNews for the hot anchors (errmmmm, news)

9) Clean the grout in my shower.  You didn’t think I even knew what grout was, did you?

Eat more brussel sprouts.   Brussel sprouts are the new spinach. ( that’s an original Jill-ism. Feel free to use it at parties or around the water cooler.)

7) Be less carefree with self tanners.   My ankles look like I got in a paintball fight with a Cheese-Wiz wielding sharp shooter.

6) Keep developing my close-lipped smile.  The perfect blend of Cheshire cat and a 12 year old’s Facebook profile pic, I feel it gives me a edgy look…..that or it says, “I just ate the expired cottage cheese.”

5) Adapt a Kardashian-free lifestyle.  (I’ll test market this for us all and let you know if it’s even possible.  I bet deaf dumb blind cloistered monks in Tibet don’t even lead a Kardashian-free life.)

4) Clean my room.  Shoot, I caved to one of Mom’s Resolutions for Me.  Well, the other 37 items on her list won’t get touched.

3) Watch more Modern Family.   4 DVR-ed episodes a day won’t cut it. If I want to make it the finals of the Gloria Quote Off (this is an imaginary game show I just made up in my mind where I would OF COURSE excel and win MILLIONS of dollars and tons of notoriety), I need to work SOOOO much harder.

2) Keep my blogs (see Item #1) short.

1) CRAP. Too Late.

Jill

Big. STUFF. Coming for the radio show (s). I will not be on Toginet.com anymore starting this week …but….  #KEEPLISTENING for our annoucement.

Hit me up on Facebook or Twitter at @NotSoSoccerMom & @NSSMJill or at NotSoSoccerMom@gmail.com if you’d like for ME or my mom to assign  for YOU resolutions. We’re available most of the rest of this afternoon.

We’re halfway through the anthropological experiment called Living With My Parents For a Month While Mid-Move.

“We have lived here for 18 days”.   This information courtesy of 13 year old Maggie.    (but who’s counting?) Seems more like 4 or 5 to me.  Since that’s the total number of full nights I’ve slept… on the single bed… in my dad’s office.   More on the INFERNO later.

WHO ARE THESE CLEAN, WELL-MEANING, HYPER-ORGANIZED PEOPLE?

The same people who never supplied soda pop or candy in the 70′s & 80′s are now feeding my children popsicles for breakfast & Dairy Queen for dinner.  This is while we chat about what we’re having for dinner the next night. Because you know tonight’s dinner has already been planned for 3 days.  Papa Wayne grocery shops everyday. He either is seeing a checker there OR Gigi is trying to ditch him.  The other day she sent him to Super Target in search of mint sprigs & butter lettuce.   It’s like in Shrek when Fiona and Shrek send Donkey looking for a ‘blue flower with red thorns’.

But I’d rather talk about dinner than clean it up.   You know how people get set in their ways? And by “people” I mean them and by “set in their ways” I mean, I don’t have time for the tutorial about your dishes, I gotta get back to my Twitter account.  I’ll could go make a new coffee cup with my potter’s wheel and kiln in the time you explain to me your specific angles & loading strategy .

Did someone say ‘kiln’?   Our bedroom.  At night.  They keep the air really cold during the day and realllly hot at night.  We just moved from New Jersey and they’ve fed us Italian three times. These are two of the most bizarre reverse commutes I’ve ever encountered.

Jill

Today I’m taking mom for “Baby’s First MicroDermabrasion”.   She’d never had one.   MY mom.

I need  to start looking for my REAL parents.

Disclaimer: Dont’ worry! I’m paying for the girls’ microderm since I just made her Material in my blog…

It’s going great. MORE LATER!!!!

Yep, we’re living with the ‘rents right now while in the process of moving. You asked how it’s going….  Well, YOU asked:

Mom has a coupon to Kohl’s. Mom’s been talking about it for days & feels we need to do an advance trip to buy my kids school clothes “because they’ll need some.”  Mom apparently pictures my kids have been arriving to school in onsies from when they were 18-24 months old everyday for the last 10 years.

Sure, I’ll go. What else do I have to do on this 100 degree day in Omaha? (except radio show prep, blogging, washing my hair, caring for my 4 kids, mentally staging my new house & wondering –really WHO is this Nicki Minaj???

Mom wants to start in the normal people section. I hold up,  on this 100 degree day, a fitted faux fur jacket by Lauren Conrad.  ”How much is it?”  It’s on the 80% off rack. It’s probably so marked down they pay you 7$ to take it.”   I put it on. Oooh, it IS quite cute! I make Rachel Zoe-esque announcements about how fab it is and how it’s a relevant piece right now.  No one nearby laughs… or even gets it.   Omaha is not ready for my 100 degree day humor.

Mom picks up a jumpsuit.  I commend her and loudly search for one, too. “Ugh, they have no Extra Small! I feel like I’m being penalized for working out. I’m going to call Gloria Allred and file a discriminaton lawsuit.”   Still, no one hears or bites.  Now, I”m not a Size O OR Extra Small but everything in Kohl’s IS running big. One of the famous NotSoSoccerMom theories~ Marketing. While America expands, retailers continue to make clothes bigger to make us feel better.    Get out a Size 6 pair of jeans from 1990. Have another funnel cake, you’re a size 2 now.

I ditch and go look at the Cosmetics section. Returning, “Mommmm!!!!!!” Real Loud.  Like it’s 1980 and I’m lost in Hinky Dinky.    I love screaming and hoping to embarrass the other person. I love screaming in a place where no one knows me. Oh, hell. I just love screaming.

Question: WHO buys all the swimsuit tops?  Who comes in, buys all the green and pink and yellow polka dot tops in size S & M  and leaves only the L & XL red white and blue bottoms?  That doesn’t even make SENSE. Wouldn’t the buyer purchase the same amount of tops to bottoms in like styles and colors?   If not, WHY? Are Topless Pools becoming the rage? The swimsuit section is a Rubik’s Cube this gal will never solve.

Finally, I lure mom back over to the Older Juniors Section.  This is not a real name of a section. It’s where they have the clothes for the Juniors who work at the Mall vs the Juniors who work at the shave ice stand.

I fall in love with a black and white shirt.  She likes it too.  I love the top mostly because I want this EXACT same print in parsons chairs in the new house.  ”If the shirt doesn’t work, I’ll come back and buy 3 more and make my own slipcovers. Very Design Star….”  I say to mom. Straight-faced. Cuz I’m serious.   She gets the same shirt.

While she buys my clothes, I ask the 3 year old girl behind if she’s being good shopping with her mommy.  She says, “Yes”. I say “Me, too! That’s why my mommy is getting me some clothes.  I was a good girl. I only wandered off once.”

(Sorry I didn’t have time to fix the crazy mis-matched fonts. I got side-tracked by going and trying my new shirt to the back of this dining room chair to see if it will fit)