(if he ever asks…)

 

In the meantime, I’ll knock off his stuff.

 

 

If it looks like you are having a yard sale and you are not…. YOU MIGHT BE A NOTSOSOCCERMOM.

 

 

*If you have ever driven carpool with no makeup on…(in your robe— with curlers in your hair.), YOU MIGHT BE A NOTSOSOCCERMOM.

 

* If you find this acceptable playclothes for your toddler ,                                                                                                           YOU MIGHT BE A NOTSOSOCCERMOM.

 

 

If you use your time wisely and and are always serious,                                                                                                   YOU MIGHT BE A NOTSOSOCCERMOM.

 

If  you find this hilarious enough to whip our your phone in the grocery store to take a picture,

YOU MIGHT BE A NOTSOSOCCERMOM.

 

 

If you have been working on your birthday list for months (and you are not 10 years old),   

YOU MIGHT BE A NOTSOSOCCERMOM.

 

 

 

Jill

Tune in to the Beaut Camp radio show on NotSoSoccerMomRadio.com network Monday’s at 1pmEST.

The show airs ALL day each hour on the hour. Also, episodes are avail on Itunes now. Search: NotSoSoccerMomRadio –> Beaut Camp Show

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jerry McGuire- style, I’ve had a few ‘a-ha’ moments today.

The first was a phone call with a friend telling me all about this hilarious blog she follows of a mom who tells stories about her crazy life and how she’s gotten so big lately and expanding to support and show others it’s OKAY to be an imperfect mom. I KNOW— it sounded familiar to me too!?!

The second was Susan Powter’s —- YES~ that one—- interview on NotSoSoccerMomRadio today on Kim’s “Ordinary & Extraordinary” show.   Susan is still speaking her message to Stop The Insanity.  Meaning wellness, feeling comfortable in your own skin and how being the best mom means celebrating yourself. A true NotSoSoccerMom, huh?

Later in the interview, she spoke about reality shows…. how she feels there will soon be a subtle backlash against fakey reality and shows will become even more real—-warts and all.

 

These three things all swirl together in my head to make a motivation parfait.  As I’ve been working on re-launching the site, moving & working on two internet radio shows, my writing and self-published book have taken back-burner.   Finding time to edit the book & write In My Own Voice blogs becomes a challenge— as my ‘brand’ has come to represent others.

WHO CARES!?   It’s time to hit ‘publish’ on this self-published book and do more ‘warts and all’ writing.  It’s who I am. And I would not be being the original NotSoSoccerMom if I became perfect now, would I?

Jill

Are you ready for the first REAL REALITY BOOK?  Typos, long-winded stories, no names changed to protect the innocent, warts & all?

Yep, we’re living with the ‘rents right now while in the process of moving. You asked how it’s going….  Well, YOU asked:

Mom has a coupon to Kohl’s. Mom’s been talking about it for days & feels we need to do an advance trip to buy my kids school clothes “because they’ll need some.”  Mom apparently pictures my kids have been arriving to school in onsies from when they were 18-24 months old everyday for the last 10 years.

Sure, I’ll go. What else do I have to do on this 100 degree day in Omaha? (except radio show prep, blogging, washing my hair, caring for my 4 kids, mentally staging my new house & wondering –really WHO is this Nicki Minaj???

Mom wants to start in the normal people section. I hold up,  on this 100 degree day, a fitted faux fur jacket by Lauren Conrad.  ”How much is it?”  It’s on the 80% off rack. It’s probably so marked down they pay you 7$ to take it.”   I put it on. Oooh, it IS quite cute! I make Rachel Zoe-esque announcements about how fab it is and how it’s a relevant piece right now.  No one nearby laughs… or even gets it.   Omaha is not ready for my 100 degree day humor.

Mom picks up a jumpsuit.  I commend her and loudly search for one, too. “Ugh, they have no Extra Small! I feel like I’m being penalized for working out. I’m going to call Gloria Allred and file a discriminaton lawsuit.”   Still, no one hears or bites.  Now, I”m not a Size O OR Extra Small but everything in Kohl’s IS running big. One of the famous NotSoSoccerMom theories~ Marketing. While America expands, retailers continue to make clothes bigger to make us feel better.    Get out a Size 6 pair of jeans from 1990. Have another funnel cake, you’re a size 2 now.

I ditch and go look at the Cosmetics section. Returning, “Mommmm!!!!!!” Real Loud.  Like it’s 1980 and I’m lost in Hinky Dinky.    I love screaming and hoping to embarrass the other person. I love screaming in a place where no one knows me. Oh, hell. I just love screaming.

Question: WHO buys all the swimsuit tops?  Who comes in, buys all the green and pink and yellow polka dot tops in size S & M  and leaves only the L & XL red white and blue bottoms?  That doesn’t even make SENSE. Wouldn’t the buyer purchase the same amount of tops to bottoms in like styles and colors?   If not, WHY? Are Topless Pools becoming the rage? The swimsuit section is a Rubik’s Cube this gal will never solve.

Finally, I lure mom back over to the Older Juniors Section.  This is not a real name of a section. It’s where they have the clothes for the Juniors who work at the Mall vs the Juniors who work at the shave ice stand.

 

I fall in love with a black and white shirt.  She likes it too.  I love the top mostly because I want this EXACT same print in parsons chairs in the new house.  ”If the shirt doesn’t work, I’ll come back and buy 3 more and make my own slipcovers. Very Design Star….”  I say to mom. Straight-faced. Cuz I’m serious.   She gets the same shirt.

 

While she buys my clothes, I ask the 3 year old girl behind if she’s being good shopping with her mommy.  She says, “Yes”. I say “Me, too! That’s why my mommy is getting me some clothes.  I was a good girl. I only wandered off once.”

Jill

And THEN mom says to the lady who’s checking us out, “Do you have Clinique?”     In Kohl’s.  She asked if they have Clinique in Kohl’s. MY mom.    MINE.    The expert follower of every makeup skew/ shop/ door/ line/ new formulation/ company.  I say calmly, yet firmly, “No, Kohl’s does not have Clinique. They have three in-house brands  called Good Skin, American Beauty & Grass Roots. Which are all owned by Lauder Brands.”   She’s on a time-out & does not get to be Shirt Twins with me (or sit on my New Shirtpolstered Chairs, whichever comes first).

(Sorry I didn’t have time to fix the crazy mis-matched fonts. I got side-tracked by going and trying my new shirt to the back of this dining room chair to see if it will fit)

This week on NotSoSoccerMom radio, I continue spinning tunes!

It’s Mix Tape Tuesday and to honor St. Patrick’s Day we are doing

Top Ten Drinking Songs!

 

Tune in 1pmEST on Tuesday by simply clicking www.Toginet.com

If you MISS the show, the podcasts are available to download for FREE

on ITunes