With Mel Gibson finally going off the proverbial edge from which he’s been teetering for years, Lindsay Lohan headed off to jail and Bristol and Levi’s impending nuptials, one would think I’d have a slew of material to report on today.

But these things only leave me with more questions than answers:  Is Jail the new black?  Do the LA jails have a special celebrity back door now, like nightclubs? Robert Shapiro is alive? I thought he died?  How is Gloria Allred not in on any of this yet?  Where is my invitation to Chelsa Clinton’s wedding? Did ya’all get the Evite?   Surely her bridemaid dresses will be navy blue and from the Gap?  Bristol and Levi~ I don’t even know WHERE to begin on this one…?

So I thought I’d just keep it simple and write about what I know.

I know, for a fact, Sammy, age 8, has a future on a used car lot somewhere…

“I really think I’d be more motivated to help clean the kitchen if I got my popsicle FIRST… to cool me off.”    Waltzes around the corner.I look up and notice Allie Grace, age 11, actually doing the dishes.    After removing my jaw from the ground and surviving the Fred Sanford “this is the big one” moment, I say warmly “Thank  you, Allie Grace. I am proud of you.”

Sammy is suddenly back on the scene.  ”What do I have to do to have you say something like that to me? Be really Pacific. By the way, your arm looks muscular today.”

And then there is this. I received it from Sammy the other day after hours of begging and negotiating and finally throwing items which led to a crying fit, an exhausted nap (unfortunately, not by ME) and this extraordinarily sincere correspondence which must have set her back at least 17 seconds….

Jill

I AM a great singer.   Thank you, Sammy, for noticing.

Uh, huh… And Mel and Lindsay TOTALLY have their acts together.