-AP

This morning NotSoSoccerMom~Jill, self-elected  Mayor of Facebooktown, introduced legislation to enforce the ban on children under 13 being on Facebook. This law has been in place ever since Facebook’s inception in 2004; however it is widely ignored.   The law requires internet authorities to determine the status of people if there is “reasonable suspicion” they may be under 13.

Mayor Jill introduced the bill as an effort to protect Facebook’s borders from adolescents who over-use the site’s resources… such as posting 137 pictures of Tuesday night, sending older teens and adults Farmville invitations and popping in on adults via the Chat mechanism with witty repartee such as “hey”.

However, the proposed new law has already come under fire by the civic organization Kids Rely Extremely on Electronic Participation Society (K.R.E.E.P.S).   Spokesperson Allie Grace revealed her disdain for a new law by saying, “This is ridiculous!   We have the right to be here.  We are citizens of the Internet and we work hard.  This will undoubtedly lead to profiling from Adults. I am not prepared to show my birth certificate to prove I’m 13. What if I’m actually 15 and just petite, huh?  This bill is hurtful and will splinter apart the nation of Facebook. I’m offended to my core.  Plus, I lost my cell phone so this is the only way to reach people and carry on important conversations regarding who is, like, going out with, like.. who.”

When contacted for comment, Gloria Allred, Geraldo Rivera and Jesse Jackson could not be reached but each of their assistants had the similar comment; “They’ll find some way to get in on this.”

Mayor Jill vowed she would not back down.  ”All I aim to do is enforce legislation that is already on the books for the sake of keeping the internet safe for everyone. When they are 13, they are welcome to follow the correct channels and become citizens of Facebooktown legally.”

Jill

Jill Brewer could not be reached for further comment since she’s on a conference call with Sheriff Joe to discuss punishing inmates by making them watch hours and hours of  ”The Suite Life of Zach and Cody.”