TV Commercial Cuts Into your World Cup Action (or non-action). THIS woman is on your screen:

“Parents, It’s SummerTime again! What will you do with the kids?  Don’t want them sitting around the house gorging on  Spaghetti-Os & Kardashian episodes?  Even the federal goverment can’t give away money as fast as parents with Tweens….

It’s time to enroll them at a fabulous place called Camp Jill!

(wide-angle shot of NotSoSoccerMom kitchen…Oooohhhhh, ahhhh)

Camp Jill offers a variety of educational and fun activities, taught by Me The NotSoSoccerMom~ a Famous Internet Author, Radio Talk Show Host & Professional Triscuit Taster.

(Baby Patrick waddles by naked and throws Lincoln Logs at the kitty )

We begin the day with Math:  ’Maggie if we are at Starbucks and I want a Venti and a low fat cinnamon swirl coffee-cake, yet I only have a $10 giftcard, how much do I have left?  With the balance, can I tip Nick the Barrista?  If not~ a story problem: A car drives 65 miles an hour away from Starbucks after stiffing a tip…’

Later in the morning at Camp Jill, we cover Civics & English. ‘Please compare & contrast the failed McCain/Palin presidential campaign with the guy who won without using the words ‘moose’, ‘hawk’, ‘maverick’, ‘hockey’, ‘community organizer’, ‘foot-in-mouth’ or ‘change’.

(Shot of Allie Grace at the computer Googling MoveOn.org)

To celebrate the World Cup year, every child is given their own NotSoSoccerMom logo vuvuzela to play along during Music.  Some kids only go to sailing camp or science camp… Who can say, ‘my kids know how to play the vuvuzela WHILE rapping to Run DMC’s It’s Tricky’?

At Camp Jill, the afternoon is full of Physical Education via dancing.  The NotSoSoccerMom approaches Michael Jackson’s Thriller with a No Child Left Behind fervor.

Finally, we round out the day with Current Events & a Conceptualizing Reality And Sharing (C.R.A.P.) Session. ‘Children, do you feel Kelly was bullied on The Real Housewives of New York? Why or why not? How would it make you feel if one of your co-stars got their own spin-off show?   Do you miss Paula Abdul? How does that make you feel?  Do you think a good solution would be for BP to take all of the copies of Elegance is Learned by Countess LuAnn to plug to spill?’

NOW is the time to enroll in Camp Jill.  Fun, frivolity and learning is just a phone call away!

Call now  1-800-Get-Glam”

(Announcer Voice Hits the Disclaimer)

Camp Jill reserves the right to spontaneously close anytime there is a WKRP rerun on cable, it’s Bonus Time at Macy’s or a cystic acne outbreak occurs.