(Hard hitting piece of journalism, Part Deux.  Sorry aboutcha, Maureen Dowd.)

When we last left our stealth NotSoSoccerMom, she was astutely boiling down the reality phenomenon The Real Housewives of (fill in the blank) in to an intuitive look of the American psyche, via this popular show….

And then she went to sleep.

You see, that (rather well-crafted, I must say) sentence was written last night from my satellite office (my bedroom), with no questions about breakfast for dinner to field from the offspring, in the perfect writing mood (reality shows blasting, Twitter fired up).

Today is a new day and I am now in my kitchen hunkered down with an 18 month old superhero  The Amazingly Colossal Mr. No-Nap (Shazzzam!), who is taking an impromptu bath in kitty’s water bowl and banging a wooden spoon into the top of a wok (Do you people still use your woks? Just wondering.)

Always the consummate professional, I shall trudge on.  (Downs 7 Peanut M & M’s for  good luck)

More I learned from The Real HouseWives:

Lesson V. Mea Culpas:  (and no, Mea Culpa is not an Italian restaurant in Franklin Lakes where the Jersey Housewives meet to throw tables at one another.)  It would appear the only time a heartfelt mea culpa is necessary is for being a jerk an entire season.  You can be a former stripper, file bankruptcy, get a DUI, have a bi-sexual affair, launch a fashion line with no actual product, launch a cosmetic line with no actual product, be engaged in a messy divorce, be kept by a married man, have fake hair and stretch the truth about your health…..but CLEARLY the most damaging transgression is appearing mean and getting beat up in the blogosphere. We’re told Jill Zarin hired no less than three media coaches to prepare her for filming the Real Housewives of New York Reunion show since she came off so petty and cruel several times over this season.  And girl, she mea culpa-ed her way to ancient Rome and back (Teresa Giudice, if you are reading this, that is where they spoke Latin. A reference to ‘mea culpa’. If you don’t get why I referenced Teresa Guidice, one of the actual Housewives from the New Jersey cast, let’s just say “she’s so pretty” and leave it at that.) Teresa and her husband Joe filed recently for a 12 million dollar bankruptcy. She Tweeted something like this the next day, “Joe and I are great! Thank you for your prayers.”   Just as long as nothing bad happened like the fans turning on you, Teresa.   As I said on the radio show yesterday, “Bankruptcy is the new black.”

Lesson VI.  In The End We Are All Salesman. We’ve all heard this old one, right? Everyone is in sales, even if you think you are not.  These gals got this one down.  Books (memoirs, How-To, cookbooks), skincare, cosmetics, jewelry, cocktails, fashion, wigs, repping gigs for plastic surgeons, songs etc etc etc.  It would seem the Real Housewives World gives you a natural platform to follow your dreams (See Part I), hang a shingle and hock a little sumpin sumpin.

Jill

My show awaits: I’m sure of it.  A Real Housewife installation about a Real Housewife who (gasp!) actually is a REAL Housewife and~ wait, it gets better ~ am so innovative that I have started hocking MY stuff before the fame and MY stuff is just me and my observations and opinions on the world around me. Bethenney is the SkinnyGirl. I’m the NotSoSoccerMom; complete with Baby Patrick throwing forks across the kitchen from his perch HIGH up on a barstool right this minute. That’s why this astute Housewives lesson was brought to a rather abrupt  halt.  He’s a climber! Please bring back the helmet.

Readers, I’ll make you a deal.   You continue voting for me at Oprah’s contest and check out the podcast of this weeks NotSoSoccerMom radio show (Guests were Debra Rubin-Roberts of MommyMakeup.com & Rob Shields, Author of The Economics of Sex) and I’m going to go change Patrick’s diaper and put the barstools in storage till he’s 21 so we don’t have to do a show or blog about Toddlers In High Places, The Dangers of Kids at the Bar.  (they’ll eat all the pretzels and spill your beer)

Oprah Tryout:

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=2696&promo_id=1

Podcast to NotSoSoccerMom Show from Tuesday 6/15/10

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