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Programming Note: I don't wanna act like the Media Celebrity has gone to my head, but I DID get recognized by 3 people in the Chicago Airport en route to 'the M states' for The Baby Jesus' & and Baby New Year's (he has less effective publicists, don't you think?) Birthdays...Fine, 2 of them were my kids that I tried...

Grump & Snore+ More (My take on Jon & Kate) When I'm not reading the complete works of Tolstoy or teaching my kids Latin I might be found watching a few reality shows. Just a --cough- few.... COUGH COUGH....Scuze me, I must have choked on a piece of organic fruit leather. I got sucked into Jon & Kate Plus 8 by my girls, mostly cuz...

More Makeup Trends I'm Following For You Because I'm... Trend #1) "High Def": Lots of new face makeup products (when they are not utilizing the term "mineral") are rocking the 'High Definition' marketing. What makes it High Def? Sephora's website describes it: "Originally designed for use in film and television, high-definition makeup provides...

The Palin Effect Kate Gosselin- love or hate her- has a certain something which makes you look. Even my mom knows who "Kate" is...& Mom's idea of 'following reality shows' is the one time she watched 2 minutes of Top Chef with me- because I hid her remote control. Sarah Palin certainly has that same Make...

Baby Patrick's Big Adventure-- as told by Baby Patrick;... I had to wait for them all to become distracted to make my break. At thishouse, the wait was not long. My big sissie Maggie had a hurt back so Daddy was examining it (because since he's a pharmaceutical rep, that makes him an honorary Doctor?). Seeing my shot, I set out for the journey of a lifetime.... As...

“NotSoSoccerMom’s Giddyup, Lil Dogies”~ a country album

Posted on : 31-01-2010 | By : Jill | In : Musings

(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

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Cruelly overlooked for a Grammy nomination in the always competitive

Best Country Album Parody Regarding Parenting

With Vocals Featuring a Homemade Maraca Category

The hot country album from NotSoSoccerMom featuring these smash hits:

*Hello Darlin’, It’s Bedtime

* Guitars, Cadillac’s and Cheeto Crumbs

* I’m So Tired I Could Cry

* 18 Squeals and a Dozen Tantrums

*Blue Eyes Crying Because He Lost His Pacifier

*Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Rude Kids

*You’re The Reason God Made Naptime

*Does Brushing Your Teeth Ever Cross Your Mind?

* Legos Can Build a Bridge

* Crawl On By

* The (High) Chair

Jill

The Grammy people will be sorry they overlooked NotSoSoccerMom. NEXT Year, when I show up and WIN for my Best Spoken Word Album based on the (forthcoming) book NotSoSoccerMom: Adventures in Lipgloss, Spacemen & Foot Undies, I plan to be very aloof. I might not even tell them “who I’m wearing”. I’ll show them!

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If You are Just Joining Us….

Posted on : 28-01-2010 | By : Jill | In : Musings

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Some weeks I write more than others… Here’s a quick barometer:

************Blogs Are Published About As Often AS….***************

- My children bathe? Judging by their “fragrance” and the dirt under their nails, I’d say the Blogs occur more frequently.

-Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson hold a press conference.

- I wake up in the middle of the night and watch infomercials. Favorite one of all time STILL: that cheesy looking mustached guy hawking supplements. But, the one with Eric Estrada selling land in rural Tennessee and Arkansas that will one day be CLAMORED-FOR vacation property IS inching up there.

- Jerry gives me a “pep talk”. Pep Talks are Family Code for Constructive Criticism /Coaching. My girls even know this.

One day a few winters ago, Jerry was mad about how our driveway was getting snowploughed. Maggie said, “Daddy is going up there to give Mr. Richard a Pep Talk.”

Current favorite “Pep Talks” are:

1) “Can we please try to pick up the ice of the floor of the kitchen after we make a big glass of water?”

2) “Momma, don’t forget to turn on the fan in the bathroom when you take a shower so it doesn’t cause mold.”

3) “Momma, do you think you could get my dry-cleaning today, please? It has been their since Bastille Day.”

We HAVE graduated past the “NO Onions” and the “What did we need at Kohl’s AGAIN?” peptalks.

- Allie Grace finds a new Life Goal. First it was Dog Walker. Then, came her Cheetah Girls-inspired flamenco dancer career. Then, the I REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLY want to be in Girl Scouts movement (“PUHHHHHHHLEEEEEEEEEEEEESUH, can you call Mrs Smith.

She is the troop leader. Evereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee one else in Girl Scouts”). Soon came the Best Friends With Sammy Phase (over in one day after Sammy broke her Cheetah girls CD) and her current, “Make It Or Break It” gymnastics phase, based on the show.

Jill

Truth be told, I think that Blogs are published about as often as I go to the Mall or Kohl’s…

And if you believe THAT, Eric Estrada and I have some choice property to sell you for cheap in rural Tennessee and Arkansas.

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This Week at NotSoSoccerMom!

Posted on : 25-01-2010 | By : Jill | In : Musings

(No Ratings Yet)

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*Tuesday ends the Name Baby Patrick’s helmet contest! Be sure to get your last minute votes in before Tuesday’s www.Toginet.com NotSoSoccerMom radio broadcast. The winner will receive a NotSoSoccerMom swag back complete with NotSoSoccerMom gear and the naming rights to little boy’s new helmet! Submit your suggestions within the Comments Section of any post!

* NotSoSoccerMom’s Toginet.com radio show is always available to listen to — if say you are busy at 1pm on Tuesdays out buying me a new bronzer at Sephora—-. Go to

www.toginet.com/shows/notsosoccermom

Download the show on Itunes also!

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But, Wait There’s More!!!!

Posted on : 19-01-2010 | By : Jill | In : Musings

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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“Hi, I’m Jerry Hickey. Some of you may know me as Captain TimeManagement

I’m here to tell you about a new breakthrough supplement that I believe in called Udontneedit. Udontneedit is a proprietary blend of St. John’s Wort, aspirin, thyme & Unisom to treat I GOTTA HAVIT Syndrome, which is closely associate with Infomercial Watchage Paralysis. Udontneedit has also been shown, in preliminary studies, to help lessen the effects of Credit Card Exhaustion (known is Latin as ‘nocoinitis’).

My wife Jill has been taking Udontneedit for 4 weeks now and I can already see a difference in her behavior. Just yesterday she sent back her Introductory Offer of Wen by Chaz Dean and opted watch the news instead of the Bare Minerals woman “Swirling, Tapping and Buffing”. Maybe Udontneedit can help you, too!”

(Announcer Voice)

“ Udontneedit has not been approved by the FDA. Results not typical. Jill could not be reached for After photos because she was down on her Gazelle sporting a Bumpit & Sheercover listening to Bert Sugarman’s entire collection of The Midnight Special.”