The exact moment we brought home NotSoSoccerBaby four months ago (OH Yeah!—see, I’m feelin it. Bam! I’m on my way now. I’m referring to my offspring in ‘NotSoSoccer’ character. This is good. Everyone knows the first step to being a real Pop Culture Hit  is the inflated sense of self which leads to the shameless Third Person Reference.)

 What was I saying…? Where is my mocha?

—Bloggist pauses and regroups after yet another shameless third person reference: ‘Bloggist’—–

Anyway, I need a new car.  Right now I drive a Subaru Tribeca. We purchased this for the same reason we purchase organic milk; an in-vain attempt to fit in with the PC North East lifestyle.  Now with four kids, this smaller SUV is NOT working.  I need a bigger one and NotSoSoccerDaddy is giving me a bunch of ’blah blah blah’ about “money and bills and taxes and…” I pretty much tuned out after that and started singing old Abba songs in my head.

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Like everyone I have normal fears.  I worry about something happening to my children and the plummeting economy. I fear gas prices going sky high again and me having to get a bike outfitted with a sidecar for four kids and how unattractive that will make my calves from pumping the bike up and down these hills so the kids and I can get back and forth from Burger King and the mall. 

 But I also have an abnormal fear.  A wicked one: something falling on my head. Which stems from the time a gun dropped on it….

Allow me to explain.

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Of course you saw Paula on American Idol last night?  She’s been called out numerous times in the media but she STILL shows up looking all loopy, slobbering over contestants, getting in Simon’s personal space; eyes half open and glassy…  She makes Anna Nicole Smith at a Bob Marley concert look like a dull White House press conference.       

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When I’m not reading the complete works of Tolstoy or teaching my kids Latin I might be found watching a few reality shows.  Just a –cough- few…. COUGH COUGH….Scuze me,  I must have choked on a piece of organic fruit leather.

I got sucked into Jon & Kate Plus 8 by my girls, mostly cuz it’s one of the 3 shows left on TV that you can watch with children in the room.  Read the rest of this entry »

While the rest of you hang out at the water cooler at your highly glamorous office jobs, here’s what goes down at the NotSoSoccerMom.com corporate offices on a typical Monday.    

7:36am Wake up. Wonder what day it is. Be disappointed it’s not Thursday.  

7:37am Receive Wake Up Call from Husband. Pretend to have been awake for awhile.  

7:40-8:30am    It Begins: “Have Your Brushed Your Teeth?, Brush Your Hair, Put Your Coat On. Stop touching the baby. Have you brushed your teeth? Where are your shoes? Put your coat on. Brush your hair. Do you have your (viola, dance bag, recorder, book order money, lunch, homework, field trip form)???? “ Repeat as necessary until at least 2/3 of Offspring have at least 1/3 above-mentioned items done. Consider that a win. 

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