President Obama, flanked by his Coffee Czar and high-ranking members of the Federal Emergency Coffee Acquisition League (FECAL) held a press conference this morning to comment on the Starbucks’ White Chocolate flavoring outage which started in the Midwest over the Holidays and has now, pandemic-like, spread to the NorthEast. 

He was quick to take full responsibility and went so far as to say: “The ‘Bucks stops with me. We failed to connect the cups.  We thought the Omaha area outage was an isolated incident. I had assurance from officials in Seattle that the system worked.”  

Obama went on to say that a full investigation was necessary and most likely, the monies to support this investigation would be available through the sure-to-be-upcoming TARP III. 

Harry Reid-D Nevada added: “TARP III,  in addition to this pertinent White Chocolate distribution investigation, will also devote billions of federal dollars to discover why the sky is blue, create a scientific panel to turn all this freezing cold snow a beautiful green shade to get Al Gore to quit pouting & appoint a team to figure out why on Earth  David Axelrod is still wearing a mustache in the year 2010.”

Jill

GREAT! Now we’ll never know! I just got off Skype with Rahm & he says they’ve bagged the White Chocolate Investigatory part of TARP III and just decided to blame it on Cheney and Rove.  They figure no one in Press will question it.Turns out they needed those tax-payer $$$’s for Nancy’s next round of Botox and to purchase QuickBooks Premier so Timmy Geithner can try and pay his taxes this year.