I’ve had several jobs. As the line from Wayne’s World goes, “I have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets.”   From working at Dairy Queen in high school, to starting full time radio advertising sales a few months before I graduated from college to pharmaceutical sales, trying to peddle Arbonne, becoming a certified Personal Trainer to my current post as Triscuit Afficionado &Famous Internet Author /Weblebrity (WHAT??? that’s a job!).

I became a Mother 12.5 years ago.  And then again 11.5 years ago.  And again 8 years ago. Then I took a hiatus. Then, 17 months ago, God graced me with another Mother Moment.

It’s the most hard job. I rarely get days off.  I have not received a pay raise in years.  Sometimes my underlings are un-coachable.  But it’s the BEST JOB EVER.

I get to be a psychologist, referee, milk-cow, waste-management coordinator, personal chef, dermatologist (the older ones are getting blackheads and I LOVE to clean some pores!), comedienne (trying out jokes on the kids. They laugh even when I’m not funny.), hair-stylist, decorator, maid, grammar coach, personal shopper, nurse, dentist, cheerleader, friend, spiritual guide, mentor, Life Coach, laundress & warden.

A prayer for all Mothers (or people who ‘mother’):

May all Mother’s find joy in their children. May God guide them in guiding the next generation back to the small niceties~ hold a door, help an older person, let someone in in traffic.

The Lord Hear Our Prayer!

I would not be the “NotSoSoccerMom” without these four little people.   I am honored to be their mom. I am honored to be the wife of their dad.

“Jill, why so serious? What, are you hormonal? Was Sephora sold out of airbrush makeup systems? Did you watch ‘UP!’ again? Did the deli run out of Diet Dr. Pepper?”

Dont’ worry! We now return to your regular NotSoSoccerMom frivolity. Follow along right here this week when I do a Real Housewives of NJ rant (WHY can Teresa not grasp the use of the English Language?), interview 9 By Design’s Bob and Cortney (Tuesday’s radio show), and review tons of new makeup-y items!

I’m serious.  He has opted to skip his nap.  So, I am now barred into the kitchen watching Round 3 of Caveman V Kitty.   When he gets tired and unruly — as most 15 month old boys do after NO nap— he morphs from Patrick the Prince into CroMagnan Paddy.  Like a teeny caveman, he stumbles around grunting, pulling the kitty’s hair, wildly stuffing the cat food into his mouth & throwing things.

Thus, my time to write is limited until CroMagnan Boy either falls over or takes another handful of Tigger’s tufts and I have to break things up…

So I’ll share with you where I am in NotSoSoccerMom Inc spin-off company #3 (or is it 45?)

Introducing  (drum roll please)   (if I knew how to upload a drum roll, I’d really be dangerous but —ooooops– now CroMagnan Paddy is bathing in the kitty’s water bowl — so back to basics.

The Innagural Bumper Sticker from NotSoSoccerMom’s Anti-Tailgating/ Anti-Honking/ I Brake for Triscuits Bumper Sticker biz!

Jill…. & Paddy… & Tigger

My next one—which I didnt’ have time to work on cuz Paddy is now strumming–errrrr- de-stringing Daddy’s guitar,  is going to say

“Tailgaters will be given destructive toddler & furless cat. Both eat same food. “